


You don't have to understand

by Trash_Lord



Series: Author vents through haikyuu charecters [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aro Yamaguchi, Aromantic Yamaguchi tadashi, Aromantic charecter, If youd like, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Or he can live, Self-Harm, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, suicide note, whatever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 18:35:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7279465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trash_Lord/pseuds/Trash_Lord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to 'liar!'<br/>Yamaguchi has had enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You don't have to understand

"I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. It's been months and apparently neither of us have healed the way I thought we had. I knew I was still hurting and I still hated myself but I thought maybe it would be okay. I thought maybe we had moved on.  
I am so sorry. I'm sorry I was wrong. I'm sorry for how you felt. I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry I'll never be able to make it up to you.  
And I'm sorry that I'm angry at you for not believing I could possibly be hurt.  
You don't understand that I can't tell my mom that I love her without the words burning my throat and a little voice at the back of my head going 'Liar. You pathetic liar.'  
You don't understand how many times I've hurt myself for what I did.  
You don't understand that I hate myself so much because of that day. 

But that's okay, because I don't expect you to understand, I never tried to tell you. It's not my place to be hurt. It's not my place to be upset. 

I'm not a good person. I realize this now, and I hope someday you'll forgive me"

Yamaguchi finished writing the letter that will never get sent, never get seen, with tears slipping down his face.  
He had a plan for today, and this was just step one.  
Today would be the day that Yamaguchi Tadashi died (he hoped).

He had a suicide note on his bed. Folded up and addressed to his mom and Tsukishima, he hoped Tsukki would deliver his apologies to the team.  
He had a bottle of water and a packet of pills on his desk.  
He had a lighter in his hand to burn the letter he just wrote, he had just wanted to get the words out, not for anyone to read them, so he was going to burn them away. 

Everything was set. 

He was going to wait until it got dark, text Tsukishima goodbye, take the pills, and (hopefully) die during the night. 

He hoped it would work this time.  
It didn't last time, or the time before, but he was hoping he'd get lucky today. 

He knew nobody would miss him too much, and even if they did that'd be okay.  
He wants this. He wants to be a little selfish today. 

Besides even if people did miss him they'd soon see how much better off without him they are, he isn't a good person.  
They'd see. 

Sniffling he pulled out his phone and sent one last text message to his best friend.  
He took a deep breath and took the pills one at a time until they were fully gone.  
Just like he hoped he would he soon. 

'Goodbye Tsukki. I'm sorry for leaving so abruptly like this. Thanks for being my friend.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope it's alright.  
> \- Trash_Lord (Damien, formerly known as Eli)


End file.
